Whenever I don’t post in a long time, I feel reminded of the fact that as far as I know no one reads my blog. Personally, I completely understand. If I am looking at someone’s blog, it is for recipes and/or crafts, neither of which I have many on this blog.
I have for a while wanted to branch out into game/book/anime reviews, but I never have.
Part of it comes from a fear of expressing myself, I suppose. If I say very little that people will argue with, few arguments will start. So a lot of what is on my blog is motivational fluff. Which has its advantages, since sometimes people just need some pretty pictures and encouraging words.
But they are not all I have to offer. Besides, I would be doing reviews. Yeah, people may not agree, but it’s not like I’m talking g about politics or anything that just ask for major moral controversy or anything.
But that’s the thing about fear, it’s not always rational. I have a fear of self-expression, one that has developed in part from a high sensitivity to others feelings of anger and upset, and of being the odd one out in many of my opinions. And that fear has made it difficult for me to express anything, from the correct pronunciation of my name, to my opinions on media, to my actual feelings.
So, it’s irrational frequently. And it’s something I’ll have to overcome eventually, because if I don’t, my voice will die.
And reviews might be an excellent place to start. They are not extremely controversial, something I have seen several of, and no the format, and since no one reads my blog anyway, going to be mostly u read anyway.

I think that everyone to a certain extend has a desire to create something beautiful, but everyone’s definition of beautiful and how one goes about creating it is different.
Some people create beauty by trying to make themselves seem more attractive. Some by cleaning up places and putting everything in neat piles.  Some by doing good deeds. Some by creating paintings of works of literature.
How we dress…how we choose to decorate our rooms and spaces…they tend to be a reflection on our idea of beauty.
And there’s a lot you can learn about someone from their idea of beauty. My suggestion is to not judge it at first. Observe.

I do not understand the desire to pinch people. Nor do I believe that drinking  alcohol is a particularly good idea. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t know anything about the origins of St. Patrick’s Day other than it had something to do with the Irish and a Catholic saint.
I have nothing against rainbow colors, chocolate, or wearing the color green, though. Actually, I think green, particularly dark green, is actually very flattering on a large variety of people. And I don’t mind using the holiday as an excuse to explore Irish culture.
I like learning about cultures. I also have a friend who is an Irish dancer, so that particular culture has a soft spot in my heart. Irish dancing is amazing.
So, I don’t mind doing some sort of celebration, but I refuse to pinching people or getting drunk.

I have only very recently had a birthday.
Here’s the thing, birthdays aren’t really that interesting for me anymore. I do like cakes and presents. But actually growing older seems a bit less fun when it gets you closer to responsibility, and the actual day itself is mostly filled with cleaning and homework.
But, here’s the thing, I have to get older. I’m not always happy about it, but it’s necessary. There’s not use complaining about it, or worrying about it. Days pass all the time. And just because one day marks a particular year, doesn’t mean it’s more than one day within itself.
Anyway, thank you for everyone who wished me a happy birthday. Yes, I spent a lot of it cleaning and working, but it was still a pretty good day.

For some people, the hardest part of doing a project is starting. I really don’t think this is my problem, usually, but right now, I’m having a lot of trouble with it.
I think part of it is that school and doing crew for the musical I’d taking a lot of time right now. Especially since I’ve been sick a lot lately, and I’ve been having to do make-up homework and catching up on studying. I have managed to get my grades to a much better place, and would like to start on one of my personal projects.
I’ve already done the laborious task of picking which project I want to work on (this is always really tricky for me, since I have about 5000 ideas for different projects and I want to do them all) but I haven’t started on either of the two I picked.
In this case, I’ve picked a sewing project where I’m making a dress for a teddy bear, and a writing project. I haven’t done much of the way of starting on either, and I just don’t have the motivation. I guess it’s because I’m so tired and stressed. It’s hard to get the motivation under those circumstances. Usually, I’d wait until I got the motivation, but the problem with that is I won’t get the motivation until I’m not stressed, and I won’t stop being stressed until I do something. I’ve got to do it, because I love it. I just can’t see the love right now.
So, that’s my advice for the day; sometimes you gotta do what you love just because you love it.

I have been sick throughout this past week, and honestly, it’s just been kind of miserable. I had to miss school, and when you’re in as many honors classes as me, that means as lot of make-up work.
And as I’ve been sick, I’ve had a lot of time to think, because it’s not like I can much else.
Thinking though hasn’t given me any great insights, except a remind of how miserable I am, and how I need to write more stories to help counteract feeling miserable. Writing helps. That’s how I’ve dealt with stress, and heartache, and insecurity. I wrote and I drew and I created my way out of it.
Or I’ve started having panic attacks.
Creating is the better option.

I haven’t posted in a month. A part of me wonders why I care, so next to no one reads my blog anyway.
But I write this blog for myself and not anyone else anyway.
I guess part of the reason for this blog is to make me feel self important. I convince myself that I have ideas and accomplishments worth letting the world see. It doesn’t matter if they actually do see or not; the fact that there is a chance is enough.
It also helps me review what I have accomplished throughout the week and give myself a part on the back and let’s me dump off random motivational rambles, because the only place they’re acceptable I’d fictional worlds and social media.
Honestly, I sometimes feel like social media is a weird sort of fictional world.
Anyway, I don’t really have a practical use for a blog. I keep one because I enjoy the action of keeping one.

I enjoy decorating for the holidays. I’m not into stuff like giant inflatables, or really, giant anything in the way of yard decorations, but I do like decorating. I always decorate my room with some decorations I’ve picked up and made over the years, and my family has a Christmas tree along with a few other small decorations.
There have been times where I’ve felt like all the Christmas lights do sometimes feel like a waste on people’s electrical bills (especially those two houses on the corner who have more Christmas lights than pretty much the entire rest of the block combined) and as I said I don’t like how just oversized and ridiculous a few of the yard decorations I’ve seen.
There is such a thing as overdoing it.
But I do like Christmas decorations. I was mentioning some of my feeling about this to my eldest brother, and he told me he actually like Christmas decorations a lot to. Why? Because they made people feel jolly and happy. The world is capable of producing a lot of electricity, but it has struggled sometimes in producing a lot of happiness. And Christmas is in many ways a holiday about peace and happiness. That’s why it’s accompanied with giving and charities and trying to make sure people have warm clothing for the upcoming winter (my school does a yearly project of trying to get coats, hats, and gloves for needy kids). And that’s one of the reasons it’s awesome.
Religious or not, I think the vast majority of people can agree that spreading joy is one of the best things to do. I know a lot of people find Christmas chaotic, but I suppose that’s because, first of all, it’s over commercialized, and second of all, bringing joy is very tiring work even without it being over commercialized.